nothing changes

It can't go on like this...

Ever had those days where you wanna take a whack at someone?.. well since the past two days ..I'm suffering from it.. i don't really know whats gotten into me since this year has started.. I've changed... actually it's just not this year... It's been there forever... Like the most prominent years of my life..start from age 10..so ..yes .. Its carried me along with it for quite a while now.. but yes i am going to change further..experience will hit me further... i will grow up ..and I cant live in my dreams of being little forever... One day..the warmth of being safe is going to disappear ... so what really has gotten into me? I'd be straightforward ... I'd say its my fears..no actually it's just things which happened in the past.. Why do i think of them so often?... i mean can't i be like normal people who just live for the jest of life and then forget whatever happens.. No ...that can't happen... with me at least .. I cant let go of errors i have made in life... I can't fix them.. I don't see an opening where I can throw them... So my conclusion is .. I should not make errors I foresee... Since what damage has been done..Can't be fixed... But then I have my turnoff's and my hangovers! :/...like the ones where i keep looking for the 'perfect' friend ! :/ Why don't i just admit to myself that -I AM NOT LUCKY IN THE SOCIAL POPULAR DEPARTMENT- i might be a shocker to most people...but although i am pretty young..i obviously do not enjoy my teenage.. It happens with people.... umm..i think?!.. but then .. if this wouldn't happen ... my Life wouldn't be very different from yours ..would it?..so I have decided now...FINALLY! ..that i will not look at other people and get jealous..and think in my mind.."OH WTF?! why is he/she so socially popular?" nah! I'm not going to think that ..anymore.. I love my family ..and will keep on loving them... they will remain my best friends forever :)...

So now! after two days of editing T_T... I've still got nothing :)... I' m a complete html wreck! :D...i dont knw anything about all this..though im somewhat better at the vampire freaks editing thing ...whatever :D..okay ... *bored* *bored* well this is my first post ..:D i knw its nothing interesting ..but im tired.. so i'll post tomorrow ... -ps. im jus wasting my time xP ..no ones gng to read this anyway..bahahaha